Staying Focused

I got some not so great news recently. I've been diagnosed with endometriosis. Ugh. Apparently it's a fairly common diagnosis, especially for women in the U.S. Americans tend to eat a lot of hormone-laden red meat, dairy products, and pesticides (although there is no real known cause, poor diet definitely contributes).  I can't remember the last time I had cow's milk though (we drink almond milk). Plus, we eat red meat maybe once a week (and it's always organic grass fed), and I steer clear of the dirty dozen. I guess I'm just lucky. My doctor did laparoscopic surgery to remove what she could find (but it will grow back), and after doing some research (here's one helpful site), I've decided to cut out dairy, wheat, and gluten as much as I can to try and manage it. It can't hurt to be a little more healthy.

The part that really bites though is that this might have contributed to Evelyn's passing because endometriosis is toxic to a fertilized egg. When my doctor told me this, it brought back a rush of emotions I had worked hard to overcome. My first thought was "I poisoned my child with my own body!" My second thought was hatred for the sin and brokenness of this world. And then God lead me back to gratefulness. Gratefulness to experience pregnancy at all. I mean really!? First, diminished ovarian reserve, and then endometriosis on top of that!? It's a miracle Evelyn was ever in existence. What a gracious gift God gave me! Grateful for the amazing job my husband has that comes with health-care benefits so that I could find out why I had been experiencing so much pain every month. Grateful for the daughter I had waiting for me when I got home. Grateful for the miracle of adoption.

So on the way home from the doctor's office I stopped at Babies-R-Us. I walked into the store I had dreaded just one year ago. I walked passed the newborn section, passed the six-month section, and purchased a pair of size twelve-month pajamas for my daughter. My daughter who is healthy, beautiful, smart, and growing like a weed. Just because I can. Because I am a mom.

I must stay focused on the blessings. God makes such beautiful stories out of our trials. My body doesn't work "normally", but I still get to have this awesome life with an amazing little girl who was hand picked by God and her birth parents to call me "momma". Sometimes I feel like anyone can give birth, anyone can have the basic my-mom-went-into-labour-and-24-hours-later-I-was-born story. Not just anyone gets to have my story and Squeaks' story. It's rich, interesting, and beautiful.