Generosity and a teaser

I mentioned Open Adoption, Open Heart in my last post. Well, another one of the adoptive moms from that site, Jammie, has offered to feature us on their Facebook page! I am just so amazed and touched by her willingness to support our adoption journey. She has asked me to write a little post that will show on their page and then we'll follow it up with a Q&A post (she asks, we answer). Cool huh?! So here is the post I wrote. It's kind of a combination of a few of my older posts condensed into one. Consider it a teaser for the Q&A. To see that visit their Facebook page in a few weeks, or right now, cause it's great! Enjoy!

We're Josh and Kristen and we want to adopt. It's a simple sentence with so much emotion, so many experiences, and tons of prayer behind it. We decided to start our family five years ago. Decided...as if we had any control. We know now that building a family, for us, takes extreme reliance and trust in God's timing. We tried for quite awhile on our own and then sought medical help at the hospital where Josh works. We did two years of IUIs and assorted cocktails of fertility medications and tests. Then at the end of 2010 we tried for the big one. IVF. This was a one shot deal for us since it's so expensive so all our "eggs" were in one basket. As it turned out though my eggs weren't up to snuff and after our IVF failed I was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. In other words I produce eggs like a woman close to menopause (I was 26 at the time). This was a heck of a blow to my self-esteem and our marriage. I'm a very determined person though so after my diagnoses I was ready to move on to adoption. The goal is not pregnancy, it's a family, children to raise into Godly productive members of society. Josh took a little more time though. What finally set his heart at rest about adoption was his relationship with his dad. His dad adopted him when he married Josh's mom. Josh and his dad have a loving, respectful, open relationship that a lot of biological families would envy. If Josh could have this relationship with his father, why couldn't he have the same thing with his adoptive children? Adoption it was, and as we proceeded, we became more and more at peace knowing that this was the path God wanted us on. After all, we are all adopted into His family through Christ. Adoption is just another word for grace, love, and acceptance. The peace that came with the decision to adopt was amazing. Our marriage was strengthened, we felt confident in our future, and infertility was a distant memory.

Three months later I was pregnant. Shock! Our first thought was "now we'll have two!" The only way I can describe it is kind of like what I imagine expecting twins would feel like. We prepared for two because they were both wanted, both loved, both equal. When we called our agency to tell them the good news the agency director told me being pregnant would probably prolong our adoption and putt off a lot of expectant moms. She said they usually want their child to be the focus. We were sad and kind of shocked. Since we thought of our children as equal, it never occurred to us that anyone would think otherwise. She was right though. Months of being pregnant passed without any potential matches. Unfortunately, at 26 weeks our daughter was born already in heaven. The grief of losing a child is not something we would wish on our worst enemies. It was equally balanced, though, with the hope that we had another child out there somewhere. Our daughter didn't need us anymore. She is with the God who blessed us with her to begin with. Now we are more anxious than ever to meet the other child He has for us.

Loving this child that we don't even know is effortless. The adoption itself, is not. It's a lot of work, takes a lot of time, and  a lot of money. But it will absolutely be worth it. This process has grown us closer together as husband and wife, and as friends, closer to our families and friends, and most importantly closer to God. His plan is perfect, His grace is endless, His strength is all we need. We are convinced that this process will end with a beautiful beginning.