Waiting In Silence

Our kitchen clock. A gift from my mom.

This Saturday is the year and a half anniversary of the day Josh and I announced our adoption to our families on Easter 2012. A year and a half. That's eighteen months. Two pregnancies worth.....sigh. "Filling the time" seems wrong to say. Life goes on, even while we wait. It's not like waiting in line for something or waiting for a job to be complete. There's no deadline or visible end in site at this point. For God there is a visible end. I'm sure glad someone can see it. Don't get me wrong, I'm trying my hardest, standing on my tip-toes with excited anticipation, to see the end of this wait. I'm doing everything in my power to bring it into sight. A lot of the time my work is just that, my work.

"The mind of man plans his way, but The Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Josh and I have grown. Together and seperatly. This has by far been the hardest year of our marriage. At multiple times during this process at least one or both of us has had the urge to run screaming down the middle of the street. Regardless, I am over the moon grateful for the man God has given me. Josh and I don't always agree on things but we always respect eachother. My husband is worthy of respect. Not just because he's my husband, but because he is a man of God. Our adoption has tested my ability to be the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31. It's hard to live up to those verses even without the stress of adoption. My desire and ability to trust Josh as the head of our household is stronger now than it ever has been. Not by any work of my own, but by the shear grace of God. Josh has always been kind, gentle, thoughtful, and respectful in his judgements and I am happy and blessed to call him my husband.

Life continues during our wait. My sweet husband turns 30 tomorrow. We have plans to go to Disneyland (of course) and then to a family barbecue on Saturday. The next few days are packed full of fun things. On the average week though, it can be difficult to not let the silence in our house get to me. My average week has plenty of activity. On Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays I spend a few hours a day with Betty. The sweetest, most spunky 89 year old I've ever met. She's a diehard Mariners fan, loves football, and can work an iPad better than some people half her age. I keep her company, help her out with a few things, and we have a very nice time just sitting and talking. I'm blessed to know her. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are mostly filled with BSF activities. I do my BSF homework at some point every day (I sure try at least). I help family and friends with things they need and can't accomplish because of work schedules. I do some bookkeeping for a pro-life group online every few weeks and recently started volunteering with our church's worship ministry. The rest of the hours in my days are filled in with caring for Josh, our home, and the dogs. I stay pretty darn busy. 

During the times I'm home alone folding laundry or doing the dishes, the silence is so obvious. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming I have to turn on some noise, music or a movie, something to fill in the quiet. I understand woman with multiple children don't get to experience quiet like this very often and I've been told I should enjoy it while it lasts. I'm done enjoying it now. I long for a day when I can listen to my kids running and screaming with laughter between the backyard and the house. Hearing the screen door slam open and closed. The sound of a tower of Legos or blocks crashing to the floor. Hearing a bin of toys being overturned onto the carpet and the ensuing sounds of imagination at work. Pots and pans turned into drums, dogs barking at excited outdoor games, enthusiastic greetings as dad walks in the door for the day. Bring on the noise!!!

This silence is God ordained. I will listen intently for what He wants me to learn from it.