Monday, September 9, 2013


I met Margaret on OpenAdoption, Open Heart's Facebook page. She had posted this comment:
I just thought it was so beautiful and wanted to know who wrote it but it was posted anonymously. I left a comment asking who wrote it and if they would be willing to give me a little background and maybe write something for our blog. Margaret happily took ownership of her beautiful words. I will never be able to fully understand what a birth mother goes through. The extremes of adoption are so obvious to me though. For me, our child's first day of school will be happy and exciting. For their birth mom it's possible it will be painful. What goes through a birth mom's mind on these milestones? What has stuck with her through the process of adoption? Here's Margaret's answer :
"I was asked what inspired me to write this post. My beautiful birth daughter is 21. My son is 3. Which really got me thinking about back-to-school. What would I have said to her? And these are the words that poured out. I could never be a blogger. I cannot write things on demand. Actually I write them on emotion as I did this one. They come out more true and heartfelt then I could ever imagine.  
I am a birth mother. I placed my beautiful daughter with a wonderful mother 21 years ago. I was not young. I was 21. I had no children. Her birth father was a fling. A mistake. He denied her. I did a lot of soul searching. I had support from my family. I knew what my financial options were. But I was not ready. I was not ready to be a mother. Especially a single mother. Nobody told me that. I knew it about myself. So I placed her with a wonderful family. Some women are ready earlier. Others are still not ready after 30. Only she can make that decision herself. No agency. No family member. No hopeful adoptive family. I have never regretted my decision. Because it was MY decision.  Never let anyone tell you what you should do. Either way. Only then can you find peace."
I'm grateful for Margaret's honesty and willingness to share. Like I said, her perspective, the perspective of a birth mom, is something I won't ever experience. I absolutely agree with Margret though, no one can make this decision for someone else. It has never been and never will be our goal to convince anyone to place their child for adoption. The goal of this blog is to show who we are, not coerce anyone into giving us a child. Our goal is openness and honesty. I would hope and pray that the woman who chooses us comes to that decision on her own free will. It is between her and God. We will be grateful, blessed, amazed, honored, and supportive (no matter the outcome).
Birth family, adoptive family, and child.
Connected through love.


  1. I love the way you write! You are an inspiration. I'm so glad our paths have crossed.

    1. Thank you Shelli! Me too! I never really thought of myself as a writer but I'm really enjoying it.

  2. I like everything about this blog post. I hope it helps those who are in the process of making this big decision, and comforts those who have already done so. We all need wise counsel, and this is wise, kind, comforting . . . beautiful. Thank you so much, Margaret. Sonja (Kristen's mom)


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